Thursday, November 05, 2009

Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, I Might As Well Just Go Eat Worms

Today was hard.  I feel like crying.  It's not hard in the way people seem to think it would be, like crazy with a doubled family size, or hyper kids, or insurmountable language issues.  It's hard because no child seems to think I'm being enough or doing enough for them.  Today the guilt was laid on thick, in non-English speaking looks and sulks, and in very clear words by the all-too-eloquent English speakers.  Lacking the strength to do otherwise, I took it all to heart.  It hurts to have your kids imply that you've deliberately messed up their happy lives.  And everybody seems to feel robbed by the loss of baby brother Charles all over again. 

I keep trying to write something more about how people view having a biological new baby versus adopting non-infants, but it keeps coming out wrong and I am well aware that my words are immortal in cyberspace.   Some things are just not meant to be blogged about.  Save it for the book, right?

Oh and, P.S., I guess there's actually no need for me to go eat worms because I already have a worm of sorts--found out today that the big spots on my cheek and arm are ringworm.  Yippee. 

Gees, I'm pathetic.  Put me to bed.

11 comments:

Jeff and Michelle Galovan said...

I hope tomorow is a better day!

Charlotte said...

Are you kidding me...ringworm. Now that is all you needed right now.

Melissa said...

Sorry Emily.
I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Corinne said...

Oh man. Days like that are LAME and ringworm is LAME. I am so sorry.

Emily said...

The song can also be "Nobody Hates You, Everybody Loves You" and that's the very problem. They all want more of you, right?

That's because you are awesome. And you DO give them so much of yourself. And by doing this you are giving them other things to be found in each other, too.

Hang in there! It WILL get better!!

(and tell ringworm it's not his turn right now)

Brooke said...

THey never said it was going to be easy, it would only be worth it. Yea, that doesn't really help does it! I'll keep thinking of something inspiring to say. I do think you are a wonderful mother. I'm sure you didn't yell and scream at your 4 kids all before 9am today like I did to Myles. Your kids love you and are going through the same adjustments that your and Steve are, without the knowledge of an adult. They can't see the larger picture yet. Just breath,lock yourself in your room and take a LONG HOT SHOWER! Everything will still be there when you get done. LOVE YOU!

Lisa said...

Emily...I think you're ok....just typical mom stuff, and kids are pros at laying on the guilt. YOU know best, and they know it. Sing THEM the worm songs like your Grandma States did (she's probably standing right beside ya), and laugh whenever you get the chance. You're a great mom.

Heather said...

I'm feeling for you. I hope things look up tomorrow. You're a great mother and your kids are so lucky to have you. Some days just aren't as good as others. Rest usually helps me feel better. I hope you can get some.

Amber Swensen said...

That last comment was from me. I guess I was signed in as my sister Heather since I'm using her computer. Sorry.

emilysouthers said...

Sometimes a good cleansing cry is just what you need to make it through another day. Hang in there, I totally understand about the guilt. My kids are masters at laying it on thick at just the wrong time. Where do they learn that kind of stuff from? As for the ringworm...you know some people pay good money to be given worms to solve medical problems...no joking, just GOOGLE- helminths for medicinal uses. ;)

JenSav said...

Oh my gosh, you poor thing. After ALL you have done, to get ringworm is like Job getting boils - it's the last straw! I am so praying for you and know that I'm behind a few days so hopefully the worst is over by now.